Two biologists are in the field following the
tracks of a radio-collared grizzly bear. All of a sudden, the bear
crashes out of the brush and heads right for them. They scramble up
the
nearest tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after
them. The
first biologist starts taking off his heavy leather hiking
boots and pulls
a pair of sleek running shoes from his back-pack.
The second biologist
gives him a puzzled look and says, "What in the
world are you doing?"
He replies, "I figure when the bear gets close
to us, we'll jump down
and make a run for it."
The second
guy says, "Are you crazy? We both know you can't outrun a
full-grown grizzly bear."
The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun
the bear, I only have to
outrun you!"A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and
asked his
mother, "How was I born?"
"Well honey..." said the
slightly prudish mother, "the stork brought
you to us."
"Oh," said
the boy, "and how did you and daddy get born?"
"Oh, the stork brought
us too."
"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" the boy
persisted.
"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the mother, by
now
starting to squirm a little.
Several days later, the boy
handed in his paper to the teacher who read
with confusion the
opening sentence: "This report has been very
difficult to write due to
the fact that there hasn't been a natural
childbirth in my family
for three generations."How do you eat a DNA
spaghetti?
With a
replication fork (you can also use your zinc fingers...)A
biologist was interested in studying how
far bullfrogs can jump. He
brought a bullfrog into his laboratory,
set it down, and commanded, "Jump,
frog, jump!"
The frog jumped
across the room.
The biologist measured the distance, then noted in
his journal, "Frog
with four legs jumped eight feet."
Then
he cut the frog's front legs off. Again he ordered, "Jump, frog,
jump!"
The frog struggled a moment, then jumped a few feet.
After
measuring the distance, the biologist noted in his journal,
"Frog
with two legs jumped three feet."
Next, the biologist cut off the
frog's back legs. Once more, he
shouted, "Jump, frog,
jump!"
The frog just lay there.
"Jump, frog, jump!" the biologist
repeated.
Nothing.
The biologist noted in his journal, "Frog with no legs -
lost its
hearing."A boy frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and
his Personal
Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a
beautiful young girl
who will want to know everything about
you."
The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a
party?"
"No," says his Advisor, "in her biology class."While driving down a steep and curvy logging
road, a group of biologists loose control of their 4-wd "Jimmy" and
careen down the hill. The truck piles up at the bottom of the
canyon,
and everyone aboard perishes. Suprisingly, they all go to
heaven. At an
orientation they are asked, "When you are in your casket
and your
friends and family are mourning about your death, what would
you like to
hear them say about you?"
The first guy, a well
known botanist says, "I would like to hear them
say that I was one
of the greatest botanists of my time, and left an
eternal
contribution to the botanical world."
The second guy, an ornithologist,
says, "I would like to hear that I
was a wonderful birder and made a
huge difference in the recovery of our
bird
populations."
The last guy, a scruffy mammalogist, replies, "I would like to hear
them say... 'LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!' "A young college student had
stayed up
all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he
entered
the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them with a
sack
over each bird and only the legs showing. He sat right on the front
row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor
announced that the test would be to look at each set of bird legs and
give the
common name, habitat, genus, species, etc.
The
student looked at each set of bird legs. They all looked the same
to him.
He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying, and
now
had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it,
the madder he got. Finally, he could stand it no longer. He went up to
the professor's desk and said, "What a stupid test! How could
anyone
tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?"
With that
the student threw his test on the professor's desk an
d walked out the
door.
The professor was surprised. The
class was so big that he didn't know
every student's name, so as the
student reached the door the professor
called, "Mister, what's
your name?"
The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said,
"You guess,
buddy! You guess!"How many evolutionists does it take to
change a light
bulb?
Only one, but it takes eight million years.How many biologists does
it take to
change a light bulb?
Four. One to change it and three to write the
environmental-impact
statement.A young wildlife biologist got fired from
his first real
wildlife job. Upon his return home, his parents asked
him what happened.
"You know what a crew boss is?" he asked.
"The one who stands around
and watches everyone else work."
"What's that got to do with it?" they asked.
"Well, he just got
jealous of me," the young biologist explained.
"Everyone thought I
was the crew boss."1 | 2 | 3 |  |
