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A woman goes into the local newspaper
office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is
published. After
the editor informs her that the fee for the
obituary is 50
cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says, "Well,
then,
let it read 'Fred Brown died'."
Confounded at the
woman's thrift, the editor stammers that there
is a 7-word minimum for
all obituaries. The woman pauses again,
counts on her fingers and
replies, "In that case, 'Fred Brown
died: 1983 Pick-up for
sale'."A Packer fan was enjoying himself at
the game in a packed Lambeau Field,
until he noticed an empty seat
down in front. He went down and asked
the
guy next to it if he
knew whose seat it was. The guy said, "Yes,
that's
my wife's
seat. We have never missed a game since the Lombardi days,
but
now
my wife is dead." The fan offered his sympathy and said it was
really
too bad he couldn't find some relative to give the ticket to so
they
could
enjoy the game together... "Oh no," the guy said,
"they're all at
the funeral."A woman goes into a funeral home to make
arrangements
for her
husband's funeral. She tells the director
that she wants her husband
to be buried in a dark blue
suit.
He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black
suit
that he's wearing?"
But she insists that it must be a blue suit
and gives him a blank
check to buy one.
When she comes back
for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffin
and he is wearing a
beautiful blue suit. She tells the director how
much she loves the
suit and asks how much it cost.
He says, "Actually, it didn't
cost anything. The funniest thing
happened. As soon as you left,
another corpse was brought in, this one
wearing a blue suit. I noticed
that they were about the same size, and
asked the other widow if she
would mind if her husband were buried in
a black suit. She said that
was fine with her. So... I switched the
heads."Sam was on his death bed, and his wife
and children were
gathered
around him. Suddenly the aroma of
chopped liver filled the room.
Sam perked up a bit and said to his
wife, "That's it, one last time
before I die I must have some of
your delicious chopped liver."
Sam's wife looked at him sadly and
said, "Sorry Sam, it's for
after."What's the difference between a very
old, shaggy Yeti and a dead
bee?
One's a seedy beast and the
other's a deceased bee.What lies on the ground 100 feet up in
the air and smells?
A dead centipede.What is the difference between a
musician and a
dead body?
One composes and the other decomposes.What has four legs, a tail,
whiskers and flies?
A dead cat.What do you call a man who has been
dead and buried for
thousands of years?
Pete.What's a zombie's favorite pop song?
Dead sails in the sunset.1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |  |
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