A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her
pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your
divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the
middle of
the property with a stream running by."
"No," he
said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made
of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he
continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and
uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's
parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We
have a two-car carport and have never really
needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your
marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't
necessarily
like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes,"
she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I
do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you
want a
divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied.
"I've never wanted a
divorce. My husband does. He said he can't
communicate with me!"Two
men are talking. The first sez, "I got
married because I was tired
of eating out, cleaning the house, doing
the laundry and wearing
shabby clothes."
"Amazing," said the
second, "I just got divorced for the very same
reasons."Regardless of what you may hear, there's still
many women
these days
who are excellent "housekeepers". Seems
each time they get a divorce,
they keep the house.Staring down from the bench to announce the
terms of the
divorce decree, the judge turned to the husband and
said:
"I'm going to award her alimony in the amount of $250 a month."
To which the woman's about-to-be ex replied: "That's
mighty
kind of you, judge. I'll try to help her all I can, too."A friend
of mine just got divorced. He and
his ex-wife split the
house. He got the outside.The divorce court was attentive as the wealthy
Yuppette complained to
the Judge that her husband had left her
bed and board.
When she had finished, the husband's lawyer rose
to his feet and
coolly replied, "Your Honor, I have a slight
correction in the typing
of the charging documents. My client claims that
he left her bed
'bored'."I have this friend who has a real dilemma. His
wife
won't give him a
divorce until she figures out a way of
doing it without making him a
happy man.Speaking of divorce (I was), this woman
petitions the
court for a
divorce on the grounds that her husband
"beats her." The Judge,
wanting every detail asked how often it was he
beat the woman.
"Every damn time your Honor," she sighed, "Every
damn time
!"With the divorce rate so high in America, a
new organization has been
formed called "Marriage Anonymous." Whenever
a guy feels like getting
married, they send over a woman with
crulers in her hair, cream on her
face and wearing a torn housecoat to nag
him out of it.A middle-aged
Jewish guy is out to dinner
with his wife to celebrate her fortieth
birthday.
He says, "So
what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A
diamond
necklace?"
She says, "Bernie, I want a divorce." He says, "I wasn't
planning
on spending that much."1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |  |
