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Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM,
SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red
light.The officer shouted
orders to a
nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran
directly onto
the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a
dispatch
case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove back to
safety.
"Private," the officer said, "I'm recommending you for a
medal. You
risked your life to save the locations of our secret
warehouses."
"Warehouses?" the private shouted. "I thought you said
whorehouses!""I was married 3 times" explained
the man to a newly discovered
drinking partner, "and I'll never
marry again. My first 2 wives died
of eating poison mushrooms and my
3rd wife died of a fractured skull."
"That's a shame." said his
friend , "How did it happen?"
"She wouldn't eat the
mushrooms!"What's the speed limit of
sex?
68; at 69 you have to turn around.What did the egg say to the
boiling water?
"How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got
laid a minute
ago."A minister gave a talk to the
Lions Club on sex. When he got home, he couldn't
tell his wife
that he had spoken about sex, so he said he had discussed
horseback
riding with the members.
A few days later, she ran into some men at
the shopping center and they
complimented her on the speech her
husband had made.
She said, "Yes, I heard. I was surprised about the
subject matter, as
he's only
tried it twice. The first time he
got so sore he could hardly walk, and
the
second time he fell
off."A Brit, a
Frenchman and a
Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve
frolicking in the
Garden of Eden.
"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit.
"They must be
British."
"Nonsense," the Frenchman
disagrees. "They're naked, and so
beautiful. Clearly, they are French."
"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only
an
apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are
Russian."Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out
of Washington for New York. One
sat in the window seat, the other in
the middle seat. Just before
takeoff a fat, little Israeli guy got
on and took the aisle seat next to the
Arabs. He kicked off his
shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in
when the Arab in the
window seat said, "I think I'll go up and get a
coke."
"No
problem," said the Israeli. "I'll get it for you." While he
was gone,
the Arab picked up the Israeli's shoe and spit in it. When the
Israeli returned with the coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good.
I think I'll have one too."
Again, the Israeli obligingly
went to fetch it, and while he is gone
the Arab other picked up the
other shoe and spit in it. The Israeli
returned with the coke, and
they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight
to New York.
As the plane was landing the Israeli slipped his feet into his shoe
s
and knew immediately what had happened.
"How long must
this go on?" he asked. "This enmity between our
peoples..... this
hatred... this animosity... this spitting in shoes and
peeing in
cokes?"Why were ancient Egyptian
children confused?
Because their daddies were mummies.YOUR SO BALD THAT WHEN YOU WHERE
A TURTLENECK YOU LOOK LIKE A ROLL ON DEODORANT.1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |  |
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