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The cross eyed judge looked at the three
defendants in the dock and said to the first one, "So how do you
plead?"
"Not guilty" said the second defendant.
"I wasn't talking to you"
the judge replied.
"I never said a word" the third defendant
replied.The defendant
stood up in the dock and said
to the judge, "I dont recognize this
court!"
"Why?" asked the
Judge.
"Because you've had it decorated since the last time I was
here."Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced
the opposing lawyers.
"So," he said, "I have been presented, by
both of you, with a
bribe." Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You,
attorney Leon, gave me
$15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me
$10,000."
The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a
check. He handed it
to Leon ... "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and
we're going to
decide this case solely on its merits."A red-faced judge convened court
after a long
lunch. The first case involved a man charged with drunk
driving who
claimed it simply wasn't true.
"I'm as sober as you are, your
honor," the man claimed.
The judge replied, "Clerk, please
enter a guilty plea. The defendant
is sentenced to 30 days."The Judge admonished the witness, "Do you
understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?"
"I do."
"Do you
understand what will happen if you are not truthful?"
"Sure," said
the witness. "My side will win."The Judge asked the defendant, "Mr. Jones ,do
you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth, the whole truth
and nothing but the truth?"
"I do."
"Now what do you say to
defend yourself?"
"Your Honor, under those limitations...
nothing."The judge said to
his dentist: "Pull my
tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the
tooth."Judge: "Is it true that you owe your neighbor a
thousand
dollars?"
Defendant: "Yes, it's true."
Judge:
"Then, why don't you just pay him back?"
Defendant: "Because it
wouldn't be true anymore."People who love
sausage and respect the law
should never watch either being made.A
young woman was appearing in court to face
a public disorder charge. The
charges were read out, and she was
asked how she pleaded. "Not
guilty," the woman answered
emphatically.
The prosecution council then approached the woman and said: "Is
it
true that on the 11th of December, last year, you committed an
act of
gross indecency with a one-legged dwarf - who was waving a
union jack - on
the roof of a car, whilst travelling at over 100mph
through the center
of London, in a blizzard?"
The woman
composed herself, looked straight at the prosecution council
and calmly
said: "What was the date again?"1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |  |
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