The Boston taxi driver backed into the
stationary
fruit stall and within seconds he had a cop beside him.
"Name?"
"Brendan O'Connor."
"Same as mine. Where are
you from?"
"County Cork."
"Same as me......"
The
policeman paused with his pen in the air.
"Hold on a moment and
I'll come back and talk about the old county. I
want to say
something to this fella that ran into the back of your
cab."Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to
avoid a box that fell
out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a
policeman pulled him
over for reckless driving. Fortunately,
another officer had seen the
carton in the road. The policmen stopped
traffic and recovered the box. It
was found to contain large
upholstery tacks.
"I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver,
"but I am still
going to have to write you a ticket."
Amazed, the driver asked for what.
The trooper replied, "Tacks
evasion."A policeman pulls a man over
for speeding
and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man
over he
says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are
bloodshot. Have
you been drinking?"
The man gets really indignant and says,
"Officer, I couldn't help but
notice your eyes are glazed. Have you
been eating doughnuts?"A
local policeman had just finished his
shift one cold November evening and
was at home with his wife.
"You just won't believe what happened this evening , in all my years
on the force I've never seen anything like it."
"Oh yes
dear, what happened ?"
"I came across two guys down by the canal,
one of them was drinking
battery acid and the other was eating
fireworks."
"Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks!! What did
you do with
them ?"
"Oh that was easy, I charged one and
let the other off."A new man
is brought into Prison Cell 102.
Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old.
The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly.
The
old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out.
You'd never
believe that I used to live the life of Riley.
I wintered on the
Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most
beautiful women, and
I ate in all the best restaurants of France."
The new man
asked, "What happened?"
"One day Riley reported his credit cards
missing!"A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to
steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. "Listen," said the
shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you
say I
just buy the watch and we forget about this?"
The
manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the
slip
and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can
you
show me something less expensive?"The local sheriff was looking
for a deputy,
so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the
bucket went
in to try out for the job.
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer,
what is 1 and 1?"
"11" he replied.
The sheriff thought to
himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's
right."
"What
two days of the weekstart with the letter 'T'?"
"Today and
tomorrow."
He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct
answer that he had
never thought of himself.
"Now Gomer, listen
carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Gomer looked a little
surprised himself, then thought really hard for a
minute and finally
admitted, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and
work on that one for a while?"
So, Gomer wandered over to the pool
hall where his pals were waiting to
hear the results of the
interview. Gomer was exultant.
"It went great! First day on the
job and I'm already working on a
murder case!"Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down
the road
drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.
The passenger,
Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a police
roadblock!!
We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here
beers!!"
"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish
drinkin' these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our
foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."
"What fer?", asked
Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin', OK?," said
Earl.
Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight & put
label on each of their foreheads.
When they reached the
roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been
drinkin'?"
"No, sir,"
said Earl while pointing at the labels. "We're on the
patch."A police car pulls up in front of grandma
Bessie's house, and
grandpa Morris gets out.
The polite
policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he
was lost in
the park...and couldn't find his way home. " Oy Morris
", said
grandma, " You've been going to that park for over 30 years !
So how
could you get lost ? " Leaning close to grandma, so that the
policeman couldn't hear. Morris whispered, " I wasn't lost.....I was
just
too tired to walk home."Juggler, driving to his next
performance,
was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your
car?" asked the officer.
"I juggle them in my act."
"Oh
yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it." So the juggler
starts
tossing and juggling the knives.
A guy driving by sees this and
says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking.
Look at the test they're
making you do now!"1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |  |
